Goodbye 26.

My partner was dissing astrology today on a light note. And it made me think about it. That regardless of what really happens out there in the world, that on a night like this, the stars aligned for my birth. And approximately nine months before, the stars had then again aligned for the beginning of my journey. Of which I made it through.

And I think that’s the thing about turning 27 tomorrow for me. That I have made it through.

26 was a hard year. Not hard in terms of lacking anything or going through terrible things. But hard in the way someone taking a walk through a volcanic area feels. Hard rocks that stub the feet. And no relief in sight. And yet the only way out of it, is through it.

But yet I’ll remember it as a life defining kind of year.

For starters, it was when I decided to live. To be present in my life. It was when I discovered that the power had shifted hands, from wherever it had been scattered to, to my hands. In a way, as much as a human being can be in control of their life, I am in control of mine.

It was also the year that saw my mind undergo a defining shift. I feel so different. I know I’ve always talked about growth and changes, but it almost feels like my mind took a 360° turn.

By that I mean that my mind became largely habitable. I still live in my head, but it’s no longer too loud or unwelcoming. And even when we are going through tough times, I can pinpoint what’s going on there and what we need to safely land us on the other side.

Speaking of the other side, I also realised that there would be no other side. That whatever it is that I think I should be doing with my life, I should do it today or find a way of doing it tomorrow, should the day come.

I came from thinking that I am a young adult, to realising that I am grown. And that shift feels like it happened in a day. It’s almost like a switch.

I also moved from doubting my abilities, to trying. To realising that whatever I have, can be worked upon. It is useful even at whatever stage it is right now. I only need to show up in my own life. And things will somehow move.

It was also the year that I realised that my dreams and reality, do not have to be strangers. That building my roots, does not mean that I now can’t fly. That in fact, they complement each other. Somehow. Work hard for something, while dreaming for another.

It was the year that I got into business. I grew up in business, and I always knew that I couldn’t run away from it. So I took a tiny step towards a mammoth dream.

But to learn all that, to get to know a more peaceful and mature me, I went through hell and back. I got migraines for the first time. I had always used that word the wrong way. Until when I realised that my head couldn’t stand anything, not even lifting it. And even to lie down, I needed to be in complete darkness. And no amount of painkillers would work. Only later, after days of the kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, did I realize that there were costly migraine painkillers that worked like a charm.

And neither can I forget the kind of confusion I was in on my 26th birthday. I was in a beautiful place, arguably the most beautiful birthday with the exception of this current one, and yet my mind was busier than a hive. And little did I know then, that I would carry that confusion for a larger part of the year.

But the end of my 26th, has been beautiful. I realized, truly realized, that I will make it in life. It sounds arrogant to say it, and yet I know it to be true for me.

And even as I wait for my 27, I know that it will be beautiful beyond my dreams. That along the way, there will be surprises of all kinds. That I shall read beautiful books, write beautiful stories, create thriving ventures, earn beautifully and see beautiful sceneries

And I know all this for sure, because that little girl in me, not only did she come back to me, but she grew up as well. I don’t know whether that happens to others. But to even ask that would be to assume that they had little hurt girls in them in the first place. So I’ll just go with myself. As for me, I woke up one day, and while going to sleep that day, it occurred to me, that there is another sassy adult girl in myself nowadays. She is new and yet she’s always been there. And that little cowering child in a corner, was no longer there.

And so I welcome 27 with open arms. With tears of joy in my eyes. With a heart that is open to life. And a mind that works in cooperation with the rest of me.

I welcome 27 after a day of gleefully chasing flamingos and a smelly lake. A day of wonder at just how many beehives this community has. A day spent with a love so freeing and yet entangling. A day spent swimming in warm water that feels like home.

I welcome my coming year, with gratitude for my journey so far, and hope for tomorrow.

11 Comments

  1. Happy birthday Mwende!
    Congratulations on coming home to self, and I hope this is your best year yet, evidently, it’s your most freeing.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Happy birthday Mwende! To much more wisdom this year and beyond

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ochieng Collins says:

    Happiest birthday Mwende. You are an inspiration to many. May years endow you with immense wisdom and be a blessing to many. Have a blast

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Angie says:

    So beautiful to read this! Isn’t life such a miracle? That each new day brings forth gifts that we can grab and savour? That we can look back at our old selves and see how far we’ve moved along in our life journey? Happy birth girl! Keep being the wondering gift that is YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Norah says:

    This is a beautiful piece!
    Happy birthday Mwende.I am proud of your growth and I wish you more moments of such self-realization and clarity

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Victoria Siita says:

    Happy birthday, to more fruitful years ahead

    Liked by 1 person

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