To live the life I want

To live the life I want, my life right now, as I know it , would have to change.

I would first of all have to accept my dreams in their totality. Accept the call of the mountains. Accept the sound of rivers with my name on it. Accept River Congo and the fact that I always knew, that I would visit it.

It would mean not just accepting my dreams, but being in sync with them. Admitting that running away from them hasn’t worked. Pretending that it doesn’t matter doesn’t work. Hoping that they fall in line just like that with no effort from me, doesn’t work as well.

But beyond that, it would mean giving up. Surrender. And I don’t know whether there is anything harder for me to do than to surrender the little ground I am standing on for something better, yet unclear and not here yet.

To live the life I want, means starting to do the things that I want.

And by jove! Isn’t that scary!? In that butterflies in the stomach kind of way. In that ” what if I fail?” Kind of way. In that what if I let go of what I have and find troubles on the other side?

But I also know, that there is no travel destination that I ever regretted. That I ever didn’t have a tale to tell. That didn’t excite my heart and child within me.

And so it is that 26years after I was born, I seek to follow my true north. With all it’s newness. With all it’s uncertainty.

But also with all it’s excitement. Because God knows I need some in my life.

To live the kind of life I want, my life would have to drastically change. And I’m here for it all.

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