Today I went to look for that barber again. The new one who did my hair last time. I liked what he did and promised to come back next time. But I found him busy yesterday.
And today when I went back, I didn’t find him. Despair. That’s what I felt. That all my usual barbers not only disappeared one by one, but that even the actual barber shop, was no more. In its place they were redesigning it for a different shop. That barbershop has been my home for the last one and a half year.
So there I was. Where i’m coming from, the door has been closed and the place refurbished to something else. And where I am going, i’m finding challenges. But what was true, was that I had to be shaved today. My hair was too untidy to go back home looking like that.
And as I stood there being told that the barber I thought I had found, did not show up today, it occurred to me, that my life is exactly like that in this phase.
That where i’m coming from, the door has been closed. But where I am going, challenges abound. Its taking many leaps of faith, not knowing what awaits me when I land on the ground.
It is waking up in the morning and from the small decisions to the big ones, having to restructure my whole life.
Sometimes its fun. New experiences. Going out by myself. Wearing big girl pants. Feeling as if the point of adulting that I was waiting for to actually adult, is finally here.
But at times like today, there was despair. Where do I go now? That question can be exciting if its a road trip i’m planning. But it can be exhausting if its a decision that i’m making and I sincerely don’t know where to go to from there. And where you are, you don’t even know.
And as I walked downstairs, some really kind guy called me to make my nails. And I thought ‘ why not?’. Just because my hair isn’t getting any luck today, does not mean other body parts can’t.
And after getting my legs well massaged and my nails done, I asked that he recommends a barber. Whoever he recommended, I didn’t like him instantly. He just didn’t seem like a barber. All barbers I’ve had always have this self assurance about them. Like they know their shit. This guy seemed a little insecure.
But I still followed him, and that’s where I got my miracle for the day.
Just outside his shop, were two of my favorite barbers. The ones who had disappeared from the barbershop that was eventually closed. Those ones.
I saw them and their smiles as they saw me, and my heart somersaulted. That felt like home. Like familiar ground. Its like going far away, and then coming back to your mothers hug. That kind of feeling. Its like seeing a familiar landmark when you had gotten lost and was almost giving up hope.
Those two made me realise how strange this phase i’m in is to me. That seeing familiar faces, would calm my heart that much. I wish I could describe that calmness that was in my heart as he worked on my head.
And needless to say, today’s dye is my favorite one. Immediately he washed my hair and I got a chance of seeing how the hair dye had turned out, I almost gasped. That’s how beautiful I felt. Hadi I was considering there and then to stick to this hair color for a while. Something I’ve never done before. I’m always playing around with my hair. But not today. Not when I had been transformed from that barberless despairing lady, to this beautiful princess looking at herself as her beloved barber looked on to see her reaction.
My heart felt at home. Then when I went to buy some stuff afterwards, I got this circular kathing that lights up. It reminds me of the moon. On my bed. Another thing to ground me. To remind me that though i’m in unfamiliar territory all around in my life, the universe still got my back. It still is the same in its ever changing way. It just is.
And maybe, just maybe, I just am too.