Manifest.

I was doing my assignment in the morning when I encountered an organization an Arab guy I met in Rwanda told me about. I was jobless by then. Like I was literally doing nothing. Well except living which was a feat in itself those days.This guy was from Dubai. I don’t know how people from that place look like, but he was just what you would expect a guy from Dubai to be like. And he had a colleague or girlfriend with him.We went for the canopy walk together. And in between he was very curious on why I was traveling alone. Like you could see that was running around in his mind. Like he just couldn’t comprehend why first of all, a Kenyan would be in Rwanda for traveling purposes and second, alone while at it. I detected some sort of looking down upon me. Like he didn’t expect it of me to be doing the things I was doing.So when he asked me what I did for life, guess what I told him?That I was doing my masters. I even went ahead and gave him the name of the institution and the course I was doing. Of course that shocked him even more. And he went ahead to start talking of my course and what he knew about it. Asking me questions while at it. I answered truthfully actually. That’s where he mentioned this organization I’m doing an assignment on. And I didn’t know it then. Had never actually heard of it. And I told him as much. Which he told me to find out about since it had something to do with what I was studying. Of course I forgot all about that.Till today, an year later after that lie. Turns out that I’m doing the exact course I told him about, in the same university I mentioned, studying the same things we talked about.Sounds like a coincidence?I think not. I already knew what I wanted to study and where it was offered. But sincerely by then, my chances of starting my post graduate studies were a little close to zero. Like nil.Yet it came to pass one way or another.I think this has hit home a little more clearly as I was reading another post that tagged at my heart. About this woman who manifested the man she is dating right now. Like took a letter and wrote in details about the kind of guy she saw herself wanting to date. And years later, there he was. Perfect to the letter T. Including how he looked like.Now, having come out of Christianity, this sounds a lot like what we used to be taught there. On having faith so strong that you will carry an umbrella during the dry season because you have faith it will rain.But I suspect, and from my experience, think that this is somewhat totally different from that kind of faith in the unknown.You see, I had sat down with myself and agreed that we will study for life. And we even had a particular thing we would have loved to start with. Like this aligned totally with who I am. It was one of those dreams that if I told my close friends none of them would be shocked by it, because it was so me.Which has made me realize that we can only manifest things we align with. Like for a person who doesn’t deal with rainfall directly, praying for the rainfall might be futile for them. Because it doesn’t go hand in hand with what is in their hearts.And weirdly enough, this realization has worried me. That so far in life I’ve only attracted things or people I’ve wanted. Now, shouldn’t that make me happy?I feel fearful. There is a decision I’ve been pushing for, that I’m doing out of necessity. Not out alignment with my goals. Or out of my heart’s desires. I’m doing it because it seems like the only way out for now.So I’m scared about it going both ways. Should I get it, does it further my goals? Or will it hinder my other heart’s desires? I’m afraid that though it will contribute to one or two goals of mine it won’t work towards the achievement of my major professional desire.But I am also afraid of me not getting it. Because for now it is the only viable option set in front of me. And me not getting it means my status quo remains. Which I don’t like.I hate doing things out of fear. Out of running away from scarcity. I would rather do things out of the abundance of the universe. Not out of a place of need. But from a place of choice. Of want.I’ve been postponing thinking about it. Because I know deep down that should the opportunity come I’ll take it. And I also know I have doubts on how useful it’ll be to me in the broader scheme of things.And then I’ve remembered how an year ago, I gave a lie that I knew one day would be the truth.If i met that guy again, what lie would I give this time? Because right there, lies my heart’s desire.

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