Heart hurts.

I never knew emotions have such a direct impact on our bodies. Like I knew stress can cause depression, and depression has all these body symptoms depending on the person. I also knew ulcers can also be a result of emotional turmoil and on and on. But beyond that I didn’t think much of if.

Till one day, after telling her how I was feeling, she asked me, so point out where it hurts. And at first I was dumbfounded. Like what did she mean when she asks that. I was taken aback. And more so when I actually found myself identifying parts of my body where that hurt was expressing itself through.

And from that day onwards, the words I am hurting got a very different meaning. It meant that I could actually touch the physical part of my body that is demonstrating for me that hurt.

And unlike before when I could stay for days, months and even years without dealing with issues, knowing that my head ache is a direct result of the emotional turmoil I’m going through, means I am less likely to pop in a painkiller because I know it won’t solve much in the long run.

Today my heart hurt. Literally. That was where my pain decided to express itself. And I could say of all parts of my body, if there is a pain I can’t stand, is my heart hurting. Headaches, waist pains, tired thighs, sore legs, clenched stomach – all that we can handle. But not a hurting heart.

I always feel like a clueless boyfriend whose girlfriend is crying and he has no idea what to do.

I guess I relate with myself a little more deeply that a human should with herself. Because though I’m the same person, when my heart hurts, I feel so bad for it that my knees go weak in the wrong way. That shit destabilizes my whole system.

Everything usually feels disturbed. I was so irritable today. Like a lake that is undergoing a limnic eruption. Its an upheaval inside there. Things aren’t where they are used to be. My whole system would rather hurt, but not my heart.

But anyway, the day ends, another begins. Hopefully the new one comes with good tidings.

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