I feel like I’m recuperating. Like my soul has been so sick for so long. It hit its deathbed but it didn’t die. And now we are going through the whole ICU phase after a coma. That actually pretty sums it up. My soul is in the ICU. Recovering.
I just wish healing didn’t have to be this hard. Like I have scars I need to open for me to start the whole process. A friend told me yesterday that sometimes close friends or best friends talk about ‘anything’ and ‘everything’ except some topics, like maybe sex or whatever it is that is a major part of your life but you just don’t talk about it.
I feel as if I’ve done the same with my life. I’ve walked back to situations in my life that left scars and dealt with them..but there are two specific topics I’ve shied away from ever dealing with them or talking about them yet they are major parts of my life. They left extremely big wounds that have never healed yet i’ve never revisited them.
And I feel energy less when it comes to them. I just want to move ahead with life. To go after my dreams. To be happy. To live. Yet, I won’t get out of the ICU unless I at least open those cans of worms. And I can’t imagine making myself go through that immense pain. I’ve been through too much pain involuntary to voluntarily take myself back to moments that almost killed me with their pain.
Yet if my life history is anything to go by, I won’t get out of here unless I deal with those issues.