And I speak as a woman. A young adult woman in church. Wondering how or why that makes a difference? Well, in the church I used to attend, anytime we attended youth meetings, especially or specifically young ladies meetings..guess what the topic of discussion was? Majorly sex. Or to put it better, sexual purity. Under the topic of relationships.
I remember once asking a church elder why the men got to have a program called “Man Enough” that dealt with manhood issues generally, while we ladies, any time we met, we were divided into single ladies, married ladies and those with babies but not married? Like why were we ladies being divided according to whether we had men in our lives, while the men dealt with issues that affect men at the core, regardless of the women in their lives?
His answer pissed me off. But that’s not the point here. What I’ve just described is a common phenomenon in churches with a youthful population. Relationships are among the most talked about things by the church to 20sth year olds. Especially to the ladies.
And I’ve always wondered, ladies, aren’t we more than sex? Than sexual purity or the lack of it? Than singlehood or marriage? Me and my great grandmother, almost a century apart, share something fundamental- feminity. And that’s way important than whether I’m dating or whether she’s married.
We are more ladies. We are more than the one topic that dominates our church based forums. I’m not saying that the church says that we are all about sex or sexual purity, but why doesn’t it give the same focus on the other spheres of our lives?
Is it a wonder then that almost all young ladies in church are praying for husbands? Like if you ask them for a prayer request, before they even mention that trip to Dubai, or that car, or that promotion, they’ll mention a husband.
Why? Because what you focus on grows. The Secret says that the universe conspires to give you what you dedicate your thoughts to. Like for example, if you keep think about getting that A grade, one way or another, you’ll get it. Its that concept that coaches use when coaching athletes or other sportsmen. They tell them to think of winning, or breaking that world record. Why? Because the universe conspires to give you what you think. And it works.
But you know what? The reverse is also true. Like if you pack your bicycle somewhere and then keep on thinking, what if it gets stolen, guess what? There is a higher chance that when you come back, you won’t find your bicycle. No wonder when some people get robbed or something bad happens to them, you’ll hear them say, ” and I had actually thought of that item being stolen, or ABC going wrong..it was just yesterday that I was thinking about it”.
So imagine a 25yr old woman who has grown up in church. All they hear in church is how to maintain sexual purity and how to handle godly relationships etc. Is it a wonder then that all they’ll be really aspiring and praying for is a husband?
Sex and husbands are good things. All I’m saying is that I think the church over does it especially when it comes to ladies.
Take a break and teach ladies how to be themselves. How to heal from wounds they don’t even know they have. How to learn and unlearn. And relearn. How to be themselves unapologetically. How to find out their dreams, passion and pursue them relentlessly. How to be the best version of this amazing beauty that God created. How to be amazing sisters to each other. What feminity is all about.
And trust me, you won’t need to teach anyone on sex after that. A woman who’s grounded into herself doesn’t need anyone to tell her what to do with her vagina or mind. She already knows. And in a healthy way too.
There’s more to young ladies in church. Way more than they’re taught.