I was in a matatu, when I felt the urge to share an experience here. But I didn’t take out my phone and start writing as I used to last year. I just assumed it.
Which is unlike me. Unlike this space. Unlike what I had in mind when I started this space. Unlike what drove me to write piece after piece till we are now at over 200 articles.
And I miss that.
Those days of just taking out my phone and writing down my thoughts and sharing them. With no care in the world over who reads or how many read. I miss that carefree attitude towards this space.
Of late I’m struggling with this blog. I feel uncomfortable in this space. You know when visitors come to your house and you have to wear a bra and keep your legs together? And behave well? And say appropriate things? I feel like that here of late.
But on top of that, I think the change happening in me has kinda contributed a bit to this uncomfortableness in sharing what used to flow naturally from me to you.
Nowadays I sometimes cringe at the person I was. I don’t know the person I am now or who i’ll be in future. And that seeps into this space, like will what I write now make sense 2 yrs down the line? Because I stand by my truth. And I hate someone quoting for me words I wrote here years ago which I don’t believe in anymore.
I saw Zukiswa Wanner, a writer, is republishing some of her novels. I think she’s changing the first one she wrote- she read it ten years down the line and thought it needed some revamping.
And its acceptable if not necessary.
Even to this space here.
So i’ll go back to my first love- writing for the sake of it. And enjoying myself immensely while at it.
Sharing my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Because its what I wanted to do in the first place. I want someone who discovers this space ten years down the line to laugh and cry with me. Not to read pieces published here from my Facebook page.
I feel so good letting this out. This burden of not being free on my own blog for whatever reason.
What this means, is that I’m publishing like 10 articles I’ve postponed for whatever reasons. They don’t hold water anymore.
God! Hadn’t I missed this!?