The first time my friend broached the topic of therapy, I thought it too far fetched. In my head, only people who have gone through very traumatic events go for therapy. And I wasn’t one of them.
The second time she did, I kinda thought about it for a while. Not because therapy had stopped being for very traumatized people but because my issues that were not going away were becoming traumatic.
The next time I found myself looking for a counsellor, it was purely out of my need for help. I recognized that I was doing badly and unless something changed, I would be doomed. So this time round I didn’t need to be told I need the professional kind of help.
I looked for opinions. For some of my friends, their lives had worked out without going for therapy. Some had prayed and trusted God and He had healed them. Some did some programs that helped. Others, their lives just worked out somehow.
For me, God was not working out the way I expected. My circumstances were still the same and the miracle worker was still on His throne. Life was also not ignoring my issues and moving on as it was supposed to. I could see and feel the effects of my problems in everything.
So I decided to seek help. And though I’m just starting out, I’m just glad I’m on this this journey to begin with. It feels soo good to receive help after crying out for months. I know it might take years to deal with everything, but I’m just glad, I didn’t ignore myself this time round and asked for help when I really needed it.
My relationship with God right now isn’t in the best of places, its actually the worst it has ever been since I gave my life to Christ over a decade ago. But I’m not worried about that for now. One way or another ,love will find me.
What I would tell myself over and over again; ask for help. From whatever quarters that work you. From God, your friends, your parents, your older siblings, from books..whatever just works for you.
And though things will not work out for you immediately, that simple step of asking for help might be the beginning of your journey to freedom. Just reach out to someone. Unlocking yourself might be the gateway to living out your life in a fulfilling manner.
For those like me who don’t like asking for help at all, its okay. I took my time. And that time showed me I needed help. At first I felt I had failed myself for being in a position where I couldn’t help myself yet everyone else seemed to have it together. People with almost similar stories to mine seemed to not lack a night’s sleep, yet here I was, overwhelmed by life.
But the more I stayed down there, and looking at the dreams I had for my life, I realised I needed to be better. Not for anyone’s sake but mine. That if life didn’t play me a fair card, it didn’t mean I had to stay beaten forever. I reached a point I wanted better for myself.
I got people in my corner who wonder what ‘issues’ are those I always complain about. They think life wasn’t thaaat bad for me. Like I take life too seriously. Or maybe I exaggerate things, its not like anyone’s life is all happy and no valley, right? So why the constant need to deal with my past that isn’t anything to write home about anyway?
And was I the person I was four years ago, I would have listened to the above words. But I learnt to own my pain. That if being insulted hurts me, I shouldn’t downplay that in favor of those going through more hurtful things. Without this realisation; that if I feel pain, regardless of the magnitude of the source according to society, its valid. Your pain is valid. Mine is. Though different, never take yourself for granted simply because nani went through worse and got out of it alive and well without much struggle.
I start off my 2018 on a low or high note depending on which side of the spectrum you are on. And I sincerely hope this year will be the one I learn to shower myself with love and allow myself to be showered with love from those who matter. I don’t know what’s your hope for 2018 but I hope that you make it out alive being in a stronger relationship with yourself.
May 2018 be kind to you. And remember to ask for help. You will thank yourself later for it.