I sat next to a man yesterday in a lopha. I wanted to skin him alive for getting the window seat. Not when it was evening and the orange hue of the sun was visible. And as we started moving, the sun in its majesty took a peak from the extremely dark clouds. It was a sight to behold. I wanted to take a pic. But remember I didn’t have the window seat. And as I looked at the sun, I noticed that that man was taken in by the sun too. His mind wasn’t there at all. Its like he was part of that moment with the sun.
And it occurred to me, that at times we are so immersed in our own lives, that it never occurs to us that we are one. That though our lives may be different, we go through stuff, we have bad days, we have good days. That though our economic situations differ, we worry, we fall, we cry, we feel pity for ourselves. That though believing different gods, we at some point wonder what’s the point of all this. That though headed to the same direction, our paths are all unique.
Unique in the same way. And sometimes, we look at ourselves and wish we had more. Wish we were in better situations. Better places at life. We look at others and think that though they are struggling, they are better off. It never occurs to us, that our life will never be better. In a twisted sense. As in, even if I travelled the world, I would still be struggling with something. I’ll still be here writing about my highs and lows. I still won’t think that life is fair.
So what do we do? This can never be overemphasized. Live in the moment. What’s the use of worrying yourself to death or struggling to your end point to reach the next point of life which will be full of struggles anyway? As in, not to sound hopeless, but if you are riding a bike, enjoy every bit of it. Don’t spend the whole of your time on that bike wishing for a car. Do your best to get that car, but don’t let your bike days pass you by just like that, make the most out of them.
I attended my first funeral as an adult as I mentioned here recently. And the moment that stuck with me, was when the guy’s grave was being filled up with soil. A group of people were singing. All those Kikuyu songs that require a drum only. And they danced. And danced. Men in suits danced. Women in sparkling clean vitenges sang at the top of their voices. You would have thought they were auditioning for a spot in heaven’s choir. While the family members of the deceased cried. They wept. Some stared stone faced into the grave. The men helped with filling up the grave hole. While the rest of us stood. And watched the scene unfolding before us. It was almost as if I was part of a movie but still watching it unfold.
That scene has stuck with me. Our pastor always reminds us, that you are either going through a wilderness( a hard patch of life), just from one, or just about to get into one. I was in a wilderness. I struggled, I fought. But things got better. And no, they didn’t get better by me getting out of the wilderness(which would anyway only mean I’m about to get into a next one, right? Told you its pointless). I just got comfortable in the wilderness. Like found a spot in this desert and decided to call it home while I’m in here. And while in here, its so easy to feel as if life is passing you by.
But i’m realising, that I’ll never be here again. So I’ll cry the most I can. I’ll laugh as much as I can. I’ll do what’s in my powers to do right now, because this is what life has handed me now. I’ll attend funerals and comfort those I came to see with my silence. Knowing that one day, I will be among the singers. And on that day, just like those men in suits, decorum won’t matter. I’ll dance my heart out as a source of comfort. And I do know that one day I will lose someone. And I’ll weep. I’ll grief. I’ll mourn. I’ll miss them. I’ll feel lost without them. But above all that, I know that one day I’ll be the one in the grave. And I hope that the singers and dancers will escort my soul with such vigour and violence that Saint Peter will have no option but to fasten my registration into heaven.
And for now, I realise that I’m not alone. We are together in this thing called life. Don’t ever feel hopeless. Look outside yourself, people are going through stuff just as you are. They become happy, just as you laugh once in a while. They enjoy the things they enjoy. They have dreams and wishes. And just like you, they are doing what they can with the cards life has dealt them. So rise up. And just like the man in the matatu, soak yourself in the moment.