One day you will write about these times. And the introduction will be like the most famous book introduction of our times. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the most beautiful of times, it was also the worst of times. It was the richest time of your life, and your ass was more broke than a cathedral mouse. It was the most difficult time, yet the easiest.
And when you do write about that time, you will try and describe God’s love. A concept that you had been trying to grasp. It had eluded you for a while. Until God decided to step in. No one had ever loved you that intimately. God took those silly thoughts you had during your mundane days and turned them into reality. He woke you up with a personalized word. And gave you the most awesome days in the midst of the most confusing times of your life.
And when you write about God, you will remember how that song with the lyrics, Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. You will remember the tears those words used to bring to your eyes. Because you understood deeply how easy it is to give up on yourself. To fail yourself. And to run out of love for yourself. Because all that had happened to you. And then God loves you so practically, that you just can’t help but get amazed when you think of it. God held you when you were not holding on. He whispered to you sweet things in your ears, He gave you hope every single day. He ensured that there is no day, you could say, you were alone. You knew He was there. He made His presence known quite loudly. And at times,in our worst of times, we only need to know that we are not alone. That someone cares. God loves you. So deeply and intimately, that even on that day when you write about it, you know you won’t capture that love in words well.
And hopefully when you write, you will tell them about him. We say hopefully, knowing that you are not a public affections person. Except when its your girlfriends and you can go all the way. But when it comes to lovey dovey stuff, for starters you hate emotions. Plus it now stops being about you. And your openness to the world. Adding someone else to that equation kinda changes a lot of things.
But should you ever write about you guys, ensure you try as much and capture the magic that you guys were. How he defied all odds and got into your heart. How all the expectations you had about relationships vanished into thin air, while paving way for you to unlearn and learn so many things. How you had all your tiny winy little details that you had wished for in a man before, come true in the form of that man. And how the Alchemist was instrumental into you accepting to date the guy. The universe was sending excessively loud signs to guide your path concerning him. I hope you’ll remember to note down how much you fought your feelings. Emotions were new to you. And you had absolutely no idea what to do about them. You tried to fight them, to no avail. You tried to feel them as much as possible, in the hope that they’ll end, to no avail. Until finally you agreed to let them flow through you. You can control many things, but loves isn’t one of those. And so you let it flow within you. And that brought forth the most beautiful and serene happiness you had ever encountered.
And on that day when you write about those times, hope you will capture how fleeting every moment was. Your friends were changing for the better. Shedding the old skin and being reborn anew. Others were going through storms, and they didn’t tell you about them but you knew it. While others were moving on with their lives. While your life was one indescribable thing. Every new day brought its own highs and lows. And surprises. You had your hopes taken up by interviews, and brought down by the no calls or replies. You had false hopes given to you by characters who cared less. You had amazing days. You had boring days. But the worst of all, were the frustrating days. When you felt so restless and empty.
And when you do come around to writing about those times, hope you’ll remember your ‘obsession’ with pregnant women. And how it was funny that you are not getting kids in almost the next whole decade, but you admired pregnancies. The way those women strutted around with a big belly. The way everyone, including street children and the rude conductors, respectively paved way for a pregnant woman. You didn’t want a baby, but you wanted to experience a pregnancy the same way you wanted to do bungee jumping. To just feel how it feels.
And should you write about those times, may you remember that though going through indefinable times, you were at peace. The kind that only God gives. You were okay with waiting. For almost everything in your life. You were okay being a broke, happy, twenty two year old. There were hard times, challenging times, frustrating times, but that was way better than settling down in jobs you didn’t like or simply doing things that were not in you to do. Plus God had your back. You knew it. You went forth asking Him to not let you settle in a place or with people He hadn’t decreed. It was not easy, but it was livable.
I sincerely hope, that seated on a hill in Malawi, that one day, you will write about these times.