We like talking about our successes more than the challenges and difficulties we experience. God knows I love my high points in life. My lows are usually also really bad.
But today I’ll talk about something I’ve struggled with. A blog. And not this one. Courtesy of being here, you know I love writing. Its like the only talent I have. Writing is my way of crying. And laughing. If I tell you a story verbally and I write about it, you might end up thinking they are two different versions. Writing is the only eloquent way of expressing myself that I know of. Its my lifeline. At some point, I even used to write to God. Like I prayed through writing.
But there is something that fires me up more than writing. Something that I love with the every grain in me. It gives me sleepless nights. Literally. And it’s not traveling. Yet you know how much I love traveling. Hadi I’ve just finished reading an article of a single woman’s struggle to remain sane when everyone around her is getting married, and at the back of my mind I just thought, ” even if I hit 30, or 40 still single – but traveling the world, I don’t think I would want anything or anyone, I would be content”. That’s what traveling does to me. It completes gaps I didn’t know I had. It calls on to me and haunts me. My best friend knows how much I hate borrowing money, even when I have no cent on me. But I wouldn’t think twice, about taking a loan, whose repayment plan I don’t have, to travel. Traveling messes up my insides in a good way.
So what is this that I love more than the things that mean everything to me? The environment. Yeah, you heard it right. I loove what I studied. You wouldn’t want to get into a discussion with me on environmental matters, I just won’t shut up. And the fact that its living ( like our environment is ever changing) makes it different from my other two loves. The grand Canyon is forever there for my taking, while what I know now about the environment will be different in 5 yrs time. Which makes it a ticking bomb.
I love talking about the environment. It just fires me up. And here in lies the problem. Unless I’m talking to fellow classmates, rarely is anyone interested in the environment. And even those who are, kinda know the wrong thing. I can confidently say this, that the average Kenyan( the guy on the street with may be a degree or diploma) , knows very little on environmental issues. And even that little they know of, is misinformation. I’ve told over a hundred people that I do environmental science. And out of all those( this is minus all who know or have heard of environmental science), only 1 man from my village, who has lived there his entire life, and never schooled past high school, actually accurately described what I do. Just 1. Out of all the people from different spheres of life, different professions etc. 1.
So I shut up about it. I mean, you can’t meet up with someone and go for hours talking to them about strange things. But you can only compress a volcano for so long. It always explodes. Always. And that is how the idea to start an environmental blog came about. I love writing. And I love the environment. So why not mix them? God knows the excitement that consumed me the moment that idea was conceived in my mind. I didn’t sleep that night. The next day I kept on opening wordpress sites to no avail. Hadi I just opted for Blogspot from Google. It doesn’t look pretty but it works and that is what matters.
Its been months now. Almost 6 I guess. And guess how many articles down the line? 2. In all those months, with all this passion, with all this free time, 2 pieces. I’ve thought about more articles to write there over a 1000 times. Literally. How many have come to fruition? Two.
Yesterday as I was listening to some preacher diss Africa, I realized that he had some truths. He said the obvious things though. But things that we rarely take into consideration. You need a vision of what you want to achieve, an understanding of the field you are in and how it works, goals, and the application of all that you’ve come up with. Definitely you need a plan. Needless to say, when it came to my blog, I had nothing. I was treating it as this one, where I write when I want, which clearly only works here.
So here I am. On my hands I have passion and knowledge that I want to share. I drafted a plan. I have a vision that is quite ambitious from my point of view. But I know that deep down its achievable. In my heart I’m a little scared. They keep on insisting, Just Do it. Do you know how its not easy to just do it?.
I’m battling all this questions of what if I lose momentum again? What if the goal I have in mind is not sustainable? What do I do to ensure that I stick to my plan? Fine myself? Give myself incentives for work well done? Which one works better, a present or a punishment? Do I call a friend to keep me accountable on publishing in the frequency I have set? Or do I just start? But what if I don’t finish?
I have so many questions. But one thing I know, is that I can’t live with myself if I let this dream of mine go to waste. If I don’t actualize that blog, and make it a living house, I might forever resent myself. And if there is one person, whose view of me I hold on high esteem, its me. I know I’ll disappoint people on the way. My reputation may not be the best. But I don’t live with people. I live with myself. So I better be in good terms with myself for any semblance of peace in my heart and mind.
This is the bottom. My environmental blog will never be here again. With 2 pieces. So I guess that’s a good thing. I’m picking up the pieces and forging onwards. I don’t know what it will take to take the thoughts from my head,and transform them to a written article , to a published article and finally to a publicized piece. But whatever it takes, however long it does, it will be done.
So help me God.
In the mean time, you can check the first two pieces here and follow us on
IG – environmenToday
And in case you would want to contribute in any way, contact me at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org